A Boy Named Bear

Yesterday I had the fun task of bathing suit shopping. (Said with gritted teeth and a fake smile on my face).

Bathing suit shopping is not my favorite pastime. And I don't care who you are, I really don't know any women who admit to liking it.  Probably because if any woman said she enjoyed bathing suit shopping the rest of us would promptly clobber her.

So, I am choosing a few likely numbers to try on (likely not to satisfy me that is). And a woman appears in the vicinity with her two children in tow. One is a world weary, approximately 11 year old girl. It is her job to follow mom and her kid brother around and keep him in check. Which she does by repeatedly telling him that, "He is not going to get a toy if he don't behave!" Mom starts out authoritative, if kind. "Bear, stay near momma", she warns sweetly. "OH, does Bear want to hold momma's bag? THANK you, Bear. Bear, come back here and pick up that bag."

Bear is a 3 year old boy with a clearly healthy enjoyment of exercise.

So momma take her selections into the dressing room, and then leaves him with sis a moment to grab one more suit. His sister viciously tells Bear that 'she is glad he ain't going to get no toy.' Bear seems unimpressed with the taunt. Sis locks Bear out and Bear begins banging on the door. "Girl! Lemme in!"

By this time I have secreted myself in the other dressing room with my choices and begin to try them on, desperately hoping that Bear won't start crawling under the dressing room doors in his pursuit of physical education. I speed change between suits, rejecting each and every one, while listening to the ongoing dialogue between momma, sis, and Bear.

At some point, Bear's nickname is dropped in favor of his given name, Darrin. (I wonder if he was named after mean Darrin or nice Darrin...you remember, on Bewitched?) In between warning Darrin/Bear to "Come back here, put that down, sit still, Momma is almost done, and DON"T eat that, and stop licking the mirror, Bear!", Momma is also commenting on her bathing suit choices, and which one, in her words,  "hide the jello legs and tummy bulge best". Sister is recruited to critique the suits, and is apparently about to take a photo of momma, who emphatically tells her to desist. Bear runs back and forth, providing punctuation phrases to every suit Momma tries on. "How about this one? Bear, come here!" or I don't feel as fat in this one. Darrin...watch out for that rack!" or What do you think Sissy? Darrin, putthatdownbeforeIwhoopyourhide!"

At least I didn't feel alone in the self loathing department, and Bear definitely made for a more entertaining swim suit session.

God bless young mommas and their little Bears. I think she found her suit. I hope so anyway. I'm not sure Macy's could handle any more time with little Bear.