They say the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. But when you have a large hunk of pounds that you'd ideally like to lose, that is a rather daunting prospect. Especially when you're "50 something". And a slow loser. And have a track record of the last 15 years of yo-yo dieting, with mixed results but an over all steady weight gain of of an alarming number of pounds. Mixed result. Yea. Let's call it that.
It wasn't always like this. I was a rather petite teen and a somewhat average to petite young woman. I started "dieting" at 12 when I weighed 105 pounds, so I was seriously deranged then. Oh to weigh what I weighed when I first thought I was fat!
The morning weigh in revealed a brand new, shiny high. I have been avidly and with great interest watching that number edge up over the last 4 months. I was 20 pounds less back in December, and I was just beginning to feel better and have hope of continuing onward. Then I had a couple of surgeries and was not able to exercise...and hey, if you can't exercise there's only one thing you can do...EAT!
So now reality forces open my squinting eyes, and I realize that if I don't start controlling what goes into my mouth, my weight is just going to keep going up. And I'll end up with diabetes. And then I'll die. Well, let's face it, I'm going to die anyway, but I don't want the diabetes part. Plus I am really tired of sore knees and squeezing into my jeans (but refusing to buy the next size up) and not enjoying clothes shopping at all. I want to make a change, I just need the courage to do it. And to stay with it a very, very long time.
I realized that since writing has always been my thing, why not blog about it and have some accountability that way? If you know I'm doing this and I know you know, then maybe I'll stay focused. I will try to be honest...well honestish, anyway.
My plan? I have mulled over this for years now. I have tried Weight Watchers on and off again many, many times. Eventually I gave up every time when my weight loss stalled. The last time I tried it, they had gone to "smart points" which consists of a formula that strips every ounce of joy out of dieting (smirk), which for me means sheer torture that you have to pay for. No thanks. If I'm going to torture myself I want to do it for free.
I have had success with Intuitive Eating on and off over the years, but then something always happens to pull me off that track and put me firmly back on the track of Emotional Eating. Which is like intuitive eating but way more entertaining and less successful. I've tried low carbing for about 3 hours, but I like bread and also feeling like a normal human, so...
I tried liquid only fasting for a day once when I had to have a colonoscopy. And though I love jello and gatorade as much as the next girl, it is not an experience I'd like to repeat on a regular basis. And I have actually fasted for a day or so for spiritual reasons...but it is not really the best weight loss plan since you eventually have to stop fasting. (I have discovered that eating regularly is part of life for some curious reason).
So I am just going to try (again) the good old fashioned basics of calorie counting. I started with calorie restriction as a slim and stupid teen, and it worked quite effectively for 10 years or so, and honestly, though I didn't really need to lose weight back then, it sure did work better than any other method I've used since. Back then I used a 1960's era booklet with a woman in a leotard smiling encouragingly about her 1000 calories a day diet of cottage cheese and Tab cola. I did that religiously and lived to tell about it.
I'm going to use an app on my smart phone to track my food. I chose the "Lose it!" app, which seems to be pretty easy to use...and I'm just using the free version. I'm not even sure how many calories I will end up shooting for daily, but I tried inputing my weight and my desire to lose a pound a week, and it gave me a end day of 200 years from now. I exaggerate the end day. But it is A Very Long Time Into the Future.
And the truth is, I likely don't need to lose all the way down to my former happy weight. Weighing what I weighed at age 35 sounds alluring and delicious and like A Very Good Idea, but I am nearly 52 now and haven't seen that weight for 16 years. Getting down that low may make me look like a tiny crone. And though I will admit that tiny crone trumps roly poly old lady, I might be fine as average middle aged woman in the normal range-ish.
I may try and go lower in calories later, but we'll start with those initial diagnosed daily calories for now. And I plan to up the activity level little by little. See how sensible I plan to start? You can watch the crazy take over later..
