Over the past week I have been dealing with some pretty severe pain. The doctor thinks that I have a pinched nerve in my neck. There is arthritis and degenerative disc disease going on for sure, as seen on the X-rays they took. I will be getting an MRI on Saturday, but won't be able to see the doctor again for results until the 18th of July. The orthopedist is concerned about possible nerve damage due to the weakness in my left hand and arm.
This has been a real trial for me. I have had to deal with chronic migraines most of my life. And that is difficult. I had a bout with sciatica a few months ago, and that was awful, but thankfully it responded to steroids pretty quickly. This particular issue is not responding to steroids or various medications yet. I am sleeping at night in a recliner and spend many hours awake and battling pain. On top of the sensation that my left arm is being hit with a hammer, the skin on my arm, back and hand has developed hyper sensitivity. It feels like it is on fire, or like it has been scraped and is raw and bleeding. I keep expecting to look in the mirror and see my skin red and raw, but it looks normal. The doctor told me that this is part of the pain that comes with nerve involvment.
I live with a heating pad and and ice pack being used simultaneously on my arm and neck. I long to sleep in my bed, but find that I can't bear to lie flat for long. I can sometimes lie on my back a few minutes, but will find that after a while, the pain builds. Lying on my side (my usually sleeping position) is out of the question.
Unfortunately, I have turned to food even more so over the last week. I suppose in an effort to cope with the pain. But, news flash...food doesn't help. Duh.
I have a new empathy for people who deal with debilitating, chronic pain. I do hate feeling like an invalid. I have prayed for my friends who are suffering with more earnestness this week, as I begged God to take away the pain.
Right now, I must just try to get through this the best that I can. I will continue to pray and continue to wait for healing. I will choose to look for things to be grateful for....a good recliner to sleep in, medicines that take the edge off the pain. Ice packs and heating pads. A family that is sympathetic and willing to help when asked. For a swimming pool that I can float in and sometimes get a small amount of relief in. And mostly a God who I know hears me, and is with me even in the midst of the pain.
In the meantime, once again I am going to work at eating only when I am hungry, and to move away from using food as a comfort. It is not comforting. It only makes it worse, and I know that carrying all this extra weight is only hurting me more. Is this what it takes for me to finally "get it" and stop overeating? I don't know. But for now, since I can't exercise, I must just learn to live without the momentary pleasure of eating just to eat, or to distract me from my pain or discomfort. I will chose to turn first to God for comfort. It is a long, long journey. But I will begin now.
